In case you were wondering. . .

Should I believe in God? Does this matter? I somehow need to return to my previous ethical core in so far as the God question is concerned; the only thing is to live in a way that, God or not, you can die unashamed.

How much other Marx is there that supports my idea that a re-conceptualization of the working class is one of the fundamental problems—maybe the fundamental problem—of modern Marxist theory? Also, what exactly does Marx mean by intercourse? And is this idea of self-activity explored in detail anywhere else? And how does this relate to Nietzsche?

Are the pre-socratics simply full of bullshit, or am I unable to appreciate them due to my lack of perspective? Also, is there some radical insight about the human brain to be had from the fact that they, like modern physics, consider the universe to be composed of a single changeable thing? Maybe this is just a misreading of modern physics? From my interactions with physicists, they do seem to have a much clearer understanding that everything they do is a guess than everybody else does. . . (by “the pre-socratics” I mean Thales, and maybe Anaximander. . I have just started.) I am wary of Occam's razor. . .

What things should I value? If I can answer this from myself it will then conveniently cover the question of “which things do I value?” as well, of course. . . I can tell you which things I like, but—and this grows out of a lot of recent conversations with Greg—if you just chase what you like, what you want, you are nothing but hunger. It is only by will and consciousness that we might become more than pure figments of nature. If I behaved in a way to make the things I like generally easier to get, it would certainly look ethical, but ultimately it's just self-interest. Maybe I'm ranging towards hedonism. Maybe that's ok.

Relatedly--

How does one place appropriate value on other people without getting screwed over by them?

There's a distinction that a lot of people will make, but few with any kind of clarity, between different kinds of pleasure. John Stewart Mill points out that people happiness is better than pig happiness, but nowhere that I'm aware of does he discuss, in detail, exactly why. What I'm even more interested in is the difference—if there is one—between the satisfaction that comes from satisfying a basic hunger (food, books, sex) and an ethical one (say. . . justice. For people who aren't you.) If you want justice more than you want food, you aren't giving anything up by devoting your life to justice. In this context is the pursuit of justice any different from hedonism?

Unrelatedly, I just have to say this; Marx is amazing. More on that later.


Anyway. . . so it's lonely in here, but not too unstable. The main thing I've been feeling for the first little bit is this tremendous sense of control over my time. . . and also a sort of faint underlaying current of terror.

What an excellent start. :)

Anti-social investigations

Two summers ago at about this time, I conducted an informal experiment. I didn't call or visit anyone, to see what remained of my social life when I wasn't instigating it. At the time I was deeply depressed, and my (incomplete) isolation lasted for nearly two months.

Since then, I've developed a much healthier social life--which, perhaps, is one of the reasons what I'm about to do is going to be so hard. There have been a lot of interesting people lately who I'd like to be spending time with. However, there are better reasons than sickness and sadness to spend time removed a bit from the rest of the world. Being social takes a lot of time and mental space. I have been operating under the assumption (which I don't particularly wish to change) that other people are generally worth it. Despite this, I have a lot to think about*, and I feel impeded. . . both by the close influence of other people's ideas and by the amount of time taken up by socializing when I should be focusing on things which are, for the moment, more important to me.

So; here's the plan. For three weeks--which I'll cut short if it seems un-useful, and extend if I see a good reason--I will not devote time to socializing in real time. I'll still talk via blogs and letters, and have the occasional glance at facebook and other social-type internet destinations.

This is open to exceptions--for instance, if you're about to leave for Nepal--but I don't expect to make many. As perhaps you can tell, I'm attempting to be moderate about it; we'll see how it goes. With any luck, a better ability to balance my time and a few very well thought out blogs are the least that can come out of it. :)


*for those of you who are out of the loop; on top of my usual (excessive introspection), I've been having an identity crisis. In a good way.

Aphorismo

In a time of almost universal deceit, telling the truth becomes an act of rebellion.

-I've seen this attributed to both George Orwell and H.G. Wells. I'm betting Orwell.



Wasting time is wasting everything.

-unknown



Everything will be OK in the end. If its not OK, it's not the end.

-Unknown, but loved. . . deliciously morbid coming from anti-theist/nihilism instead of, say, Christianity.



Breath is the music that connects us to the outside world.

-Bartenief analysis; essential wisdom for dancers



Wisdom is justified of all her children

-Luke 7:35



If anyone wants a sheep, that is proof that he exists.. .

-Antoine de Saint Exupery



If we do not love life for our own sake and through others, it is futile to seek to justify it in any way.

-Simone de Beauvoir

the social cost of financial responsibility

Lately I've been reading Amy Dacyczyn's The Complete Tightwad Gazette, which is a compendium (nearly a thousand pages) of advice on saving money. The suggestions range from obvious to extreme, but I find it generally useful. For example, she points out (and expounds upon the fact, pp.42-43) that there are three ways to save money on something; you can buy it cheaper, make it last longer, or use it less. Another example is this tidy and useful summary of the principles (her word) of frugality, from an article on pp. 64-66:

1) Record Spending
2) Regardless of your income, do not spend everything you earn
3) Use creativity and thrift to improve the quality of life, rather than spending more money
4) Avoid convenience foods and instead prepare from scratch
5) Buy in bulk
6) All family members should develop hobbies that save money, rather than ones that are non-productive or cost money*
7) Whenever possible reuse materials you already have rather than buying new at shops
8) Don't try to keep up with the Joneses; instead live within your means

She elaborates on each of these throughout the book, and as far as I can tell she's covered all the major bases except two--try to avoid rent, and don't let anything (rebates, vegetables, surprisingly many other things) go bad on you. So far so good, no?

Now that you have the general gist of the book, we can move on to the hard part. What is the right thing to do about social spending?


You're aware of the situation, I'm sure; old friends who you haven't seen in years or new ones you're very interested in knowing suggest a dinner out. If you've been resigned to overspending, this may come in stride, but if--like me--you're on a strong frugal streak, it presents a dilemma.

Ultimately thrift should be about being aware of how you expend your resources, and using that awareness to direct them to the things you value most. Generally I believe very strongly in behaving--insofar as such a thing is possible--as if things are less important than people. I really love dining out, but at times when my money can be put to really, really, really rewarding use elsewhere, social comfort is about the only thing that can compel me to do it.

Dacyczyn would call this "Keeping up with the Jonses." In fact, the quote (from an 1833 manual called The American Frugal Housewife) she uses to illustrate "Keeping up with the Jonses" is this:

"To associate with influential and genteel people with an appearance of equality unquestionably has its advantages, but like other external advantages, these may have their proper price, and may be bought too dearly. Self denial, in proportion to the narrowness of your income, will eventually become the happiest and most respectable course for you and yours."

The problem is, it's not a simple matter of individualistically renouncing consumerism or giving up ostentation. Social spending is about making other people comfortable, or about holding a certain position--and not necessarily a dominant one--in the social sphere, a sphere that is just as much about relationships as about consumption. If you don't have a place to entertain, it's the cost of creating a comfortable space in which to connect with people. As someone who never pays more than 10$ for an outfit and balks at a 5$ garlic press (which I'd use constantly), a hundred dollars or more a month on gifts and other social spending often seems an eminently worthwhile use of funds.

It is likely, of course, that the friends in question are not much more "influential and genteel" than myself, but merely have different priorities, or are less aware of their resource use. . . and this brings me to my main conclusion; I think it would be nice to foster a culture where social spending is not so obligatory. Let's encourage the use (and existence) of public social spaces and events, and bring back picnicking and home cooking. After all, the less time we spend on earning money to spend time with each other, the more time we have to spend with each other.



*I actually disagree with this one--what is money for, if not life? Just make sure what you do is worth it to you.

on space and home

Introspective observations from having my own place


1) It is no longer hard to floss.

There is no carrying water, no waiting, and especially no avoiding people. The only day I've missed was yesterday, when I worked 21 hours. I think in the past I've underestimated the "avoiding people" factor.


1) I am a Really Terrible hostess.

This is not true in a restaurant. At home, though, things are way less clear. One must direct/coordinate comfort, food, and flow of activities for more than two people--ideally while being at least a little entertaining. I will totally be reading up on this. . . probably a lot. Then y'all can come help me practice. :)


2) I dig my kitchen way more than I thought.

True story: I've never been much of a cook. I've always had good instincts and enjoyed it, but I think--once more--it goes back to that avoiding people thing. I never would have guessed. I actually have less time, now that I have a house, but the only time in my life I've cooked more than I am now, I was living with just mum and had tons of free time. Even the simplest food is exciting for me; today I made and ate nachos. It's so much easier without other people around. I think my first goal is to perfect several kinds of vegetable curry.

These days when I need to stay awake at work I tend to watch the food network, though I'm frustrated they don't do very much that's really healthy.


3) I did not choose my house.

I'm just now coming to terms with this. I needed a place to live; my price range was the very bottom of the market. I offered on virtually everything I saw (mostly short sales) that might have worked. The house I got was the only offer accepted on a house large enough and close enough that I could share it and use the money to get through school. If I have desperately and repeatedly asked you if you liked it, I was seeking reassurance that my situation is indeed not all that terrible. The house is too big for me; it's a ton of work, and it will be hard. It also doesn't feel nearly as homey to me as the smaller, further away ones I looked at.

That said, it will be ok. I have a house! And somehow it will get me through to finish school, which is why it was a good choice to take this house instead of a more fitting one. One of the great skills a nomadic lifestyle builds is the ability to lay out your home like a tent and take it up with you as you go. This will be a great home for me, however non-permanently.


5) If Finding Flow is to be believed, I have a masculine attitude towards my house.

That means that rather than taking pride in--and getting stressed out about--its cleanliness, I enjoy taking care of it when I can, and mostly take pride in paying for it myself. Quelle suprise.


8) I am actually a minimalist.

Despite having just moved from 112 square feet to 1600, I still love getting rid of stuff and still feel the need to budget space. Thinking a great deal about design and style as well.


13) New found (or re-found) pleasures-

Fresh salad
Washing my hair often enough to not have dandruff
Fuzzy cat slippers
Hot showers
Wandering out on the porch right after I wake up, to watch the sunset and get a lot of funny looks from the neighbors
Moving dancerish-ly through several rooms, mockery and observation free
Massage chair
Chairs
My kitchen/cooking
Apricot blossoms
Light on trees
Clean skin
Small errands on foot
Singing
Glissades and rolls
Much less ramen
Not wasting things
Sleep