Saturday, March 13, 2010

Tentatively, all the things that I can think of wanting in a friend fall into three categories. You're looking for someone enjoyable, someone you can respect, and someone who you find emotionally compatible. . . or, rather than "emotionally compatible," it might be better to say, we look for someone who wants to fill a particular role for us. We're looking for someone to comfortably share in a particular set of activities, who we can exchange some particular kinds of enjoyment with.

Enjoyable people are often entertaining, intellectually stimulating, funny, and kind. Often they are playful and observant. Respectable people, for me, are the people who examine what they believe closely and then live it with passion and competence.

I am particularly interested in anyone's thoughts about what they look for, appreciate, want, don't want, etc. in friends.


___________________________ said...

I want people who are fun, intellectually stimulating, emotionally competent, and highly loyal.

Intellectual stimulation stimulates me.

Funness usually means that at least there is some sense of humor going on here.

Emotional competence at least allows me to emotionally depend on these people.

Loyalty is needed due to my trust issues.

Day said...

More detail about emotional competence?

Also, about loyalty--I know for myself, I would have difficulty respecting someone if they have an ethical standard that required them to give up certain other very important things, in certain situations, to enact their loyalty to me. How does that play out for you?

___________________________ said...

Emotional competence? Well, all I mean by that is someone who won't completely screw me over on an emotional situation. They have to be able to work through emotional issues rather than freaking out or avoiding the matter or coming to a wrong conclusion and sticking to it. I am thick skinned enough that being crass isn't an issue.

Loyalty vs personal beliefs? I think I would *basically* agree with you. If the person betrayed their ethical standard, then I would tend to question their seriousness. (and of course I should know that our ethics are themselves fallible and should be violated at times) But, I could not feel comfortable with a person who betrayed me and felt as if they did the right thing.

___________________________ said...

And on the emotional competence issue, I am more tolerant to people who try to engage an emotional issue and who fail then those who are too bothered to try. Being able to read my emotions well also isn't a big issue either, just to be clear, I can't do that well myself.

Day said...

Hmn. . . my only thought on the loyalty issue is that, from experience, sometimes I have a hard time even knowing what people will consider a betrayal. And other people have had the same problem with me.

___________________________ said...

Betrayal is difficult. The best way to know a betrayal though is a person who is hurt by the accusation and tries to make up for the matter.