Because of the fact that this blog is titled "Emo Blog of Doom," and because I feel somewhat desperately that survivor (maybe 10% of the population?) experience ought not be ghettoized, I don't apologize for the dark content.
But I also want to make clear that there are good days. There are times when I don't write because I'm so depressed. There are also times that I don't write because it's boring, when everything is just ok, and I'm trying not to think too hard about the things that stress me out. And then there are actual good days. Like today. I know if I explained the events of today objectively, they would not come of as particularly happy. The vomiting*, I imagine, would particularly seem like a downer. But I am feeling happy today; I have no major deadlines hanging over me, I'm getting things done at some sort of a reasonable pace, I'm surrounded by excellent books, and there are all these things:
-My roof is done. On. All the way. FINALLY! Thank you, Dad. :) This does not, objectively, vary so much from day to day, but it is starting to feel like the house might someday come under control.
-I HAVE A PIANO!!!!! Or rather, a very serious, professional quality performance keyboard (88 weighted keys and a petal) named Sigfried. Possibly the best Christmas present I've ever gotten.** I may finally learn to play as well as I'd like; we'll see how my habit of spending time with every piano I pass by holds out now that there's one in my living room. This whole topic will probably get it's own post.
-I came up with a solution of sorts, to my body worries. I'm mostly concerned about the damage I'm likely to sustain between now and when I have a healthy relationship with food. I believe I'll get there, and I'm very dedicated. But I also know that diets don't work so well, and I don't want to be stuck with a body that makes it hard or impossible for me to do things I love. So, I've decided to up the priority of a goal that's been on my list for a decade; spend a summer on the Appalachian trail. It's a huge goal, requiring a lot of saving, a lot of planning, and a lot of training, but it is an experience I want badly and have for a long time. And it should also, incidentally, re-set my metabolism and leave me in excellent shape. I should probably pick a subsidiary training goal to start with. :)
*because I've mentioned my delightful food pathos so recently: Involuntary. I have a rule about that, no need to worry.
**it would be, unequivocally, the best Christmas present ever, if it weren't for:
-last year my best friend designed and built a bench swing for me from scratch, specifically taking into account the furniture I'm most comfortable on, and choosing details to accent the architecture of my house. It is gorgeous, and so comfortable I can fall sleep on it.
-the year before that my parents cosigned with me on a house.
Stiff competition, ja? How spoiled am I? Sigfried is amazing.