Sunday, March 21, 2010

So, blogging balance.

My favorite part is that by telling everyone, I don't have to tell anyone. There's no sitting in awkward silence. There's less of that feeling that I'm trying to knock down a brick wall with every sentence. There's no wondering whose day I've ruined, or which friend thinks I'm trying to use them as a therapist. It's emotionally reckless, but it's also pretty clearly marked, and so far I think no one reads at gunpoint. The writing every day feels good, and the openness also.

There are things I worry about. What not to say? I feel strongly that depression and anxiety, the commonplace messedupnesses, need a louder place. It isn't that they're good--it's that they're so hard to talk about. What are you supposed to do if sad and scared are the larger part of your life? How do you deal with the days when you have nothing to say to anyone because you feel you can't be happy enough for them--like they deserve something better? Even people who want to be supportive don't know how to deal with it. Maybe if we talked about it more often they would.

There's a line to walk. Wallowing is bad. I have no idea how to split the difference between self pity and a healthy, honest recognition of your circumstances--between raising awareness, getting healthy social feedback, and pointless exhibitionism. All good things to learn.


Meg said...

I like your openness :)

Being both a philosophy grad and one who's dealt with depression and anxiety, I've found that, while talking about what you feel is important and necessary, the best thing to do is do stuff.

I'm happiest for others and more engaged in their lives when I'm too busy to think about what's wrong with the world/my life.

Is that because I'm ignoring my feelings? No; I don't believe so. I think it's because questions about life are best answered while we're working towards worthy goals.

Day said...

Hmn. I'm not sure we're on the same page.

The hard question is, what are worthy goals? This one summer, I basically spent volunteering and failing calculus for the third time. It made me less depressed than I would have been, but still wasn't nearly as helpful as my current bout of introspection and self-indulgence.

Day said...

Glad that works for you, though.